mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
