this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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