i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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