You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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