he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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