White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
