I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize