somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
