I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
