i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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