you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
