I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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