At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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