My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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