i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
