quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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