You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
