Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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