Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
