I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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