how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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