We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
