Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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