Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
