Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
