I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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