I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
