Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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