that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
