I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
