these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
