All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
