I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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