When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
