Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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