I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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