Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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