I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
