Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
