It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize