is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
