Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
