i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
