Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
