maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
