a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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