I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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