You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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