This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
