P.S. I can't hear my feet
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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