fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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