Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
