She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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