yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
