tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
