that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
