my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
