hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
