You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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