Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
