Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
