I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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