good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
