I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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