The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize