So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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