well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
