Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
